we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize