do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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