Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
