what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
