the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
