I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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