by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
