Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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