I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
