If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
