We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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