I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
