Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
