just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
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I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
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Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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