Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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