I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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