My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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