remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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