Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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