Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
