Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
