I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
