so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
