I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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