her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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