What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
