The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The power of my boobs compel you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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