the day after is always just damage control
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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