You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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