Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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