is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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