so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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