two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
