Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
