apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
