$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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