I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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