i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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