yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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