4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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