No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
