i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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