Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
