I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
