We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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