Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
