i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
