So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
