I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Text me some of your sweat
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
