you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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