Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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