Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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