I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
