Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
