My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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