He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
