wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
