I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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