eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
