If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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